Duplicitous Maldivian Fish

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, To The Maldives We Will Go

Right, now that I've frenched Mr. Marlboro to get the taste of duplicity out my mouth, let's talk about my trip. I have a confession to make. I haven't finished packing for my trip. You know that "Oh my gawd I've forgotten something important" feeling you always get before a trip? Well, I've got it now, and I leave for the airport today and my luggage is still sitting in forlorn undecided piles on my bedroom floor, turning sad accusing eyes at me. There are always two responses to this feeling - either you think you're going crazy and then you get there and you realize that you only have hotpants to wear in a Muslim country, or you overpack and feel like a Polish immigrant on Ellis Island. Either way it's a no-win situation.

I tried making a checklist, but that doesn't help either. ("Bandages? Check. Suturing stuff? Check. Defibrillators in canse I am dragged overboard by a giant tunafish and drag a screaming Maldivian boatman with me and nearly drown to death and they need to get my heart beating again? Damn, I knew I forgot something!") I basically know that my three bikinis are coming with me, including the one which gives the feared monoboob look, (wen, this is for your wedding so I don't get stupid-looking tan lines and your future children won't point at the photos and say, "Mummy, what's wrong with that woman's skin?"). I have packed half the National Library with me in case I feel like I'm going out of my mind from talking to the pretty fishies. I have sunblock lotion with a really ridiculous SPF (at 130 it's practically a raincoat. Intercontinental missiles couldn't penetrate my sunblock) and I've made sure my tattoo is still obvious in case they have to identify me only by body because my head was bitten off by some mutant sea creature (although to be fair The Boy could possibly ID me by my ass, since he stares at it so much. Probably marvelling how I can walk with such a flat ass and not fall over)

Oh well.

I'll be gone for a good long time so nothing's going up here for ages. I invite you all to slack off work, eat much prata and fag like there's no tomorrow in honour of me.

Oh, and by the way, my probation has ended and I am apparently now a 'permanent and valuable member of the staff'. Could have fooled me.

The Slinky Cat says hooray for the corporate hierarchy becasue they don't know their employees are blogging!