Next Stop Crankyland

I'm harbouring a major grevience with the Marlboro Man right now. One more bloody fag and I think I'm going to hurl. I am severely out of sorts and I blame it all on the evils of tobacco, never mind the fact that I haven't slept for more than 4 hours a night since Monday, had a meeting which lasted 5 hours where this woman who might or might not be affiliated with the Myanmar military junta joked about having a lawyer killed for losing her case (great way to motivate the troops, way to go), have a minor Everest of work piling up in front of my eyes, and had my booty call thwarted. Soon the chainsaw will make an appearances and things will get ugly.

In honour of me getting the grumpies, here's a list of things which really piss me off right now:

1. Club Med. Kiddies, Club Med is just an out and out an evil place, and they are just dying for a smackdown. Slinky's gonna get you.

2. The CPF board, since they are at least partly responsible for the mini everest. It's OUR goddamn money, so just bloody let us have it already.

3. Big girls who smell like meat. It's this godawful fleshy sort of smell which makes my toes curl. And gu-niang girls, who are clearly insecure about the role of the ex in their boy's life. Get over it.

4. Girls who can't live without a guy. People with ovaries can be your friends too.

Things that would cheer me up immeasurably:

1. Legal Elves breaking into my computer while I slept and doing all my work for me. Why should shoemakers get all the luck?

2. Johnny Depp appearing at my door to declare that Vanessa Paradis was just a temporary insanity and whisking me away to his private island to ravish me repeatedly, whether I want it or not.

3. Being able to sleep for twenty hours straight until Johnny wakes me up so we can take my dogs swimming on beach on the abovementioned private island. (Johnny naturally insisted we'd bring my dogs)

4. A freak localized mini tornado dropping a rain of $1000 bills (euros, please) into my lap. (it happens with frogs, why not money?)

On a purely random note I was talking to Geri last night and chanced upon some gloriously red-hot photos. I told her about it, then tried to persuade myself to stop staring at them because i sswore my knickers were going to combust. The random thought floated into my mind later that it would make a good swear phrase. "By Slinky's flaming underpants!" It's got a nice ring to it.

Okay, that's it, I'm going to haul ass to bed before I really do myself some damage.