Put the sheep in their abestos jackets, this post is inflammatory!

So, separate discussions on separate days with both The Boy and SheWhoRunsInStilletos have prompted me to wonder : what it is about Singapore and the people who live in it that we believe that life must be lived according to a set of rigid, unyielding rules?

Is it our benevolent dictatorship democratic government, perhaps, that reinforces this belief that in order to be a model citizen, we need to live a cookie-cutter existence, without deviation from a plotted path? Will such deviation undermine the very foundation of our model society, of the Great and Secret Plan which the Men in White have for us? (and how, pray tell, does a fucking casino fit into all of this? Nevermind). Or is it merely our Asian heritage, and thus something which is inherent already in our culture, to put society before self, and fulfil the obligation to provide for the family, to give 'face' by being successful, to carry on the family name by having children, to walk the safe path trodden by so many others.

But what if you don't want to be a sheep, and conform to the expectations that every one seems to have? What if you want to take the path less traveled? Why is having your own dreams, your own life, your own hopes such a bad thing? Is wanting to be happy really that selfish a thing?

SheWhoRunsInStilletos asked me whether I ever felt, in the beginning of my relationship with The Boy, that it was a waste of time, since we agreed it would end when I left. I am sure that this is a question which has at least made passing acquaintance with the thoughts of several of those who know me, although none were ever rude enough to voice it. This time though, it was asked not with an unthinking casual interest, but a desire to hear a 'no' from someone who sat in the same boat.

Because let's face it - we're at the age where everyone appears to be getting into high gear for the rest of their future. People are getting married left, right and centre like it's the latest fashionable disease.
Disclaimer here (necessary since people apparently get very sensitive about what I write - this isn't personal!): This doesn't mean that the people I know are getting married simply because they think it's fashionable, nor do I think it's a disease. It's not literal, people.

But it really does seem, to those of us who remain stubbornly single (either by choice or otherwise) like there is an epidemic of marriage, a mysterious affliction, albeit delightful, which strikes down people at random, leaving some blissfully starting down the road to happy matrimony, and leaving others untouched, and bewildered. I can't even begin to count the number of single friends I've heard who wail, "Is EVERYBODY getting married?"

Yes, we are happy for our friends. How could we not be? But as singletons, it also brings to bear the pressure from society that you, who aberrantly fail to be married, should join the ranks of those who, by joyful happenstance, conform to the mould society demands. Increasingly, you feel like you're dong something wrong by not getting hitched. Family and friends alike ask, "So, when's it your turn?" And even if you are nowhere close to being ready to commit to a lifetime with one person, you feel guilty about it.

SheWhoRunsInStilletos admitted as much to me that she never heard the ticking of any clock, biological or otherwise, until she is surrounded by her married friends. Then suddenly she feels like she's been bad.

I don't quite feel the same (thank god for The Other Cat and her One, who never ever make me feel that way), but sometimes I can hear the ticking too. Problem is that it comes from the people around me, and not from me.

It's not just about marriage either. People expect you to want the same things everyone else wants, to desire them and treat them as important. Hence, their bewilderment if you do not express a fawnish desire to attain and/or pursue the golden career paths of doctor, lawyer, accountant et al. "But it's so secure!" they bleat. "And they earn a lot of money!" But security and wealth isn't the be all and end all. What about desire for what makes you happy, for what makes your heart sing, the feeling that you're not working, not plodding through yet another dreary, drone-like day, but actually living. What's the big deal about being a corporate drone anyway? The pay? The politics? The triumph of owning a bigger glass cage in the sky than anyone else in the firm? Well, if that's what makes you happy, then so be it. But it's not for everyone.

People keep asking me why I don't take up my driving, since I've already gone through all the theory test. Part of it is the practicality of it all, sure. But part of it is also the fact that they expect me to take the goddamn thing. It's what's done. But I don't see a need, since I don't have a car. And I don't intend to own one either. Why? It's yet another thing that ties you down. Car payments, loans, parking, gas, it's financial bondage. And I have other plans for my money.

I think we all need to walk our own paths. The Boy is right, and just because everyone seems to be following one path, doesn't mean that everyone should. Thank god my family and friends support a path which some might consider unorthodox.

Oh, and screw all this "quitters" vs. "stayers" bullshit. It's just another form of propaganda, state-sponsored emotional blackmail designed to make you feel guilty about not being a good citizen, and not contributing to the economy. Well tell you what, Daddy Lee, when Singapore can offer me the choices which will fulfill my dreams, when it can let me extend my wings and live, rather than keeping me caged and safe in my little glass cage, when it doesn't try and dictate the terms of my life via blatant "go have kids" campaigns, "go have X number of kids" campaigns, when it stops insulting my intelligence by trying to induce me to be a good brood mare through financial incentives (and disincentives), when it quits trying to pretend that I have a choice when political gerrymandering ensures that I do not, then we'll talk. In the meantime, stop being a childish ass by trying to render me a Confucian outcast by calling me a 'quitter'. That's about as mature as trying to induce someone to doing something stupid by calling him 'chicken' if he doesn't.

I suppose that it comes as little surprise that so many of those I know are forging their own paths, having the courage to break away from the herd and to walk the road less traveled. Birds of a feather, and all. The Space Cadet, for example, brilliantly flew the coop to pursue a passion which few have even heard of or understand, and she's never done better. And without exception, there are naysayers in the background, doomsday prophecies that those who dare to fly high will come crashing to the ground because their wax wings of ambition will melt.

But they won't.

Just watch. Slinky's going to FLY.