I can resist anything but temptation - Oscar Wilde

Power is such a seductive thing.

I got an almost intoxicating taste of it when I was up in KL (yet again) over the Vesak Day holiday. I got chauffeured around in a Mercedes E-class , was told I could have anything I wanted in the Concorde hotel, and basically lived it up for one night. Free alcohol, free cigarettes, free anything. I imagine that if I commanded them to fill up the bathtub with champagne and then post-bath, demand they fan my drunken, sticky form with ostrich feathers, someone would have to run around and find some land-bound bird somewhere, pronto. All I had to do was say "get it done", and in a little flurry of bowing and scraping, it would be. It was fun, for a night, just to play with power. People got booted off a table so I could sit. I got driven distances I could have walked in less time than it took to drive. And I slept on a cloud for a bed.

But that's all it was. Playing. And I am profoundly grateful for it. Because at the end of the day, I realize some truths about power. That it does something to you. You expect too much, you give too little. You get hard, and you become spoilt, immune and jaded when it comes to the simple little things about life which I like so much. Like eating grilled stingray at Alor. Or finding the perfect $7 singlet at Ikano. And having my nose plastered to the glass at Wang Utama watching ferrets kits play (I know what I want for my birthday, yeah!)

And I felt perhaps a little of how horrifying it must be when someone becomes an abrupt celebrity and having the world watch you so you can never just pop out for a pack of fags, or run down in ratty shorts for gum or just be you. Thank god that did not (and I pray will never) happen to me, but enough of it seeped through the barrier of my normal life to make me grateful for anonymity and a middle-class life.

It was a trip of startling extremes. I won't go into details because it isn't for everybody to know. But when I was finally safely ensconced in Zee's house again, listening to some kickass music, smoking my Djarum and kissing The Boy, I was glad I could live my simple little life.

Having power, borrowed or otherwise, is one hell of a kick, but I think ultimately the price you pay is too high.

On an unrelated note, lying on the cool floor at Zee’s house listening to music was one of the most rejuvenating things I'd done recently. It was like going back in time, being sixteen again, climbing trees, having crushes and being so goddamn young and strong and sure.

A sampling of the tracks:
 Gin Blossoms - Found Out About You
 Live - Lightning Crashes, I Alone
 P.J. Harvey - This Mess We're In
 Lou Reed - Perfect Day, Walk on the Wild Side
 Skunk Anansie- Hedonism
 The Dave Matthews Band - Crush

It's funny how music can call out of you, then when you least expect it, it grabs you and drags you under to where all the memories dwell, and you see them again, for better or worse. More powerful than crack, that's what music is. We all have a personal soundtrack. I'll show you some of mine if you show me some of yours.

Breaking Up/ Moving On
 MatchBox 20 - Rest Stop
 Sarah McLachlan - Possession
 Sarah McLachlan - Do What You Have To Do
 Sarah McLachlan - Full of Grace
 Sting - Fields of Gold
 Live - Heaven

The Teenage Years
 Stone Temple Pilots - Plush, Interstate Love Song
 Gin Blossoms - Found Out About You
 Soul Asylum - Runaway Train
 Bon Jovi - the entire Crossroads album
 Guns N' Roses - Patience (and a lot of others)
 Naked - Don't Cry
 Extreme - More Than Words

The Screw Years
 The Dave Matthews Band - Ants Marching, The Space Between
 Jimmy Eat World - Sweetness, Praise Chorus
 Train - Meet Virginia
 Evanescence - the entire Fallen album
 Tori Amos - A Sorta Fairytale
 The Verve Pipe - Freshman
 Three Doors Down - Here Without You
 Sarah McLachlan - Possession
 U2 - In A Little While

The Vet Age
 Live - Overcome
 Dashboard Confessionals - Vindicated
 Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
 Harry Connick Jr. - It Had To Be You