"Presenting The Honey Trappers on their 'Slut and Proud of it!' World Tour!"

The things that my friends and I get up to when we shoot the shit. Miss C, pay attention, since you missed out on this particular discussion.

So here's the plan for Miss J, Miss C and me, since we miss performing.

We're going to steal the hot drummer and guitarists from an unmentionable band and set up our own chick rock group, who will be called "The Honey Trappers" (I liked "The Disguisable Sluts", but Miss J knows what she's doing.) Naturally, we won't possess any actual talent, but that's where being chicks comes in handy.

Miss C and J both sing better than me, so in an equitable division of labor, I will become the Hair and Body of the group, sacrificing my dignity and dress sense to prostitute myself for international fame and fortune. I will wear the skimpiest clothes imaginable designed to hide the fact that I have a brain. (as Miss J pointed out, as Body, I have a duty to perform) I will specialize in the wearing of bikini or crop tops, being the one with the flattest stomach. Since I can't sing as well as the other two, I'll just prance around with a tambourine or something and bend over gratuitously.



Miss J, being the most buxom of us (not hard) will be the boobs of the group, and wear only the lowest of low-cut tops and/or dresses, and will specialize in extremely acrobatic jumping while performing in stage. She'll have her very own BoobyCam attached to her chest to beam images onto the giant screen behind us while we're on stage. She may also actually sing, depending on whether enough men are ogling her chest. Failing which, she will just breathe heavily at opportune moments to enable ogle-able heaving of her chest.



Miss C will be the one who wears the skintight dresses and gyrates the most, since she's probably the best dancer of the lot. She will have her very own podium. And she will...actually...sing. And occasionally make out with the hot drummer/ guitarists because she's good at that. Hell, we'll all do that.



And we will all wear these:



Our stage show will consist entirely of lip-synching in between making out with an endless parade of hot men, our drummer and our guitarist. We'll blast the stage with fake fog, then strut down a makeshift glittery silver catwalk in our killer sexpot outfits, entirely made of leather, and adorned with giant white feathery angel wings. A fake fur coat or two might be worn for the pimp factor initially, but will be thrown off shortly in order to ensure maximum exposure of skin. We will have hair extensions. And there will be strategically-placed portable fans.

Show announcer on mike:
"Slinky on hair and body!"
*crowd roar*
"Miss J on tits!"
"Miss C on all the angmohs in the house, and ACTUAL SINGING!"
*roar roar roar, loudest during 'body', 'tits' and 'angmohs'*

Backstage before the show, we'll have our individual makeup artists, who consist entirely of different hot men every night.

Imagined dialogue between band members:
"Like, you've been in makeup for HOW LONG?"
"But they haven't finished applying glitter to my legs with their tongues yet! Be reasonable, you bitches!"

Makeup artist/ hunk (through mouth full of glitter: "I love my job!"

Our first album will consist of songs about sex and clubbing and picking up men, and our first hit single will be called "Too Easy, Too Ugly". This will be followed by the chart-toppers "Can I Touch Your [Drum] Stick" and "Hot Guitarist- Here-Now".

The MTVs will naturally be pitched to corner the randy male market. The MTV for "Too Easy, Too Ugly" will demonstrate this perfectly. The setting is a club (of course) where we gyrate sensuously in slutty outfits in flattering lighting, while a horde of men who are actually hot but which do not meet our critically high standards fall at our feet begging us to take them home for the night. We reject them all of course, chanting the slogan "Too Easy, Too Ugly!" and - here's the stroke of real marketing genius – we find these spectacularly hot women instead and make out with them in lieu of hot men worthy of our attentions. The girl-on-girl action will send sales rocketing, particularly after Singapore bans our video and the controversy gives us free publicity.

We'll be rich.