Lesbians and other wildlife

First, a word from our sponsors

C, having read about my fishing adventure in the my previous post, felt compelled to lend me sisterly support as I bemoaned my evident lack of sex appeal in the face of fishing. Here's what she has to say:

"Why is it that all women in the world get left behind for fish?!?!? It's the same freaking case here. My best mate in ANU just dumped me in the middle of my exams to go fishing on the coast. Yep Aaron, has just made me a fishing widow. I know what it feels like now to be considered less desirable than a 20 pound barramundi. Yes the barramundi may be skinner than me, but i am distinctly less smelly and can carry out a better conversation. And besides a Barra in an ice box is truly a cold fish while i merely pretend to be one. Is fishing really such a kick? I am definite i wouldn't choose hours staring into space and drinking beer and waiting for a giant fish to spending quality time with a mate. damn."

I would have asked for my boy's opinion, but at the mention of the words 'barramundi' and 'Australia' his eyes glaze over and I lose him completely.


"You have to look REAL close..."

Remember how my father claims there are sharks in the water? Well, it became a brief topic of conversation again today, and here's the latest update from my father on the sharks.

Me: "Daddy, there are no sharks in the water! I don't see any!"

Dad: " That's because they're really small."


Why lesbianism is good

Okay, all that stuff before was just to suck you in, because I actually wanted to vent, but felt compelled by the pressures of the blogging audience to at least entertain before I do so. So, on a more serious note:

After just too many unsettling conversations with at least five people in the space of three days, I've decided that trust in a relationship just cannot be over-valued. My dear friend Raj and I were discussing the singular differences in how men and women in a relationship think and I've realized this: a man, when he looks at a gorgeous women, will think, 'Yowza!" and then consciously (if we're lucky) remind himself that he is attached/ married. A woman who looks at a toe-curlingly gorgeous guy does it to check out the goods... and that's it. There's no extra step. Because women don't NEED to remind themselves that they're attached, they already know it, and so the fact that some toe-curlingly-hot guy is crossing their path doesn't send their libido skyrocketing and making them contemplate, however briefly, whether getting a piece of that fine ass cheating since they don't love him anyway so it shouldn't count, right?

Riiiiiiight.

It's like that stupid phrase goes: 'Women need a reason, men just need a place." My friend put it into context by saying, "If a guy's asleep, and some hot chick came slithering up to him and started making out with him, you think he'll kick her out of bed? But if some guy did that to a girl while she's sleeping...eeeww!" If the girl were me and I woke up to some strange guy trying to get jiggy with me, he'd probably get brained with the gym clubs I keep next to my bed. Unless you want to have to wear diapers for the remainder of your natural lifespan, don't try it. (Unless you're Johnny Depp or Rodrigo Santoro. But only maybe.)

I find this deeply unsettling in some fundamental way, and I haven't been able to get the various conversations out of my head. Oh yes, I'm aware this is just gross generalization and there are lovely wonderful men who don't think like that. Maybe I'm just being a cynical party pooper and I'm undergoing Marlboro deprivation and so I'm grumpy. But I get to be grumpy if I want, so there.

So me and C brood about men and how maybe it would all be better if we just all turned lesbian. Oh, quit getting so excited, you're missing the point. You, in the front row. Stop that. Right now.

The Slinky Cat tries to figure out if her boyfriend would like to know what his testicles taste like if he ever cheats on her.