Farmer Brad

"Farmer Brad has a mob of 450 cattle. He intends to do something horrible to those cattle in the not-so-distant future so he wants them all pregnant and then popping out helpless little calves for future slaughter. His 100-day submission rate is 38%. Does Farmer Brad have a problem?" (paraphrased)

Fuck you, Farmer Brad. Fuck you hard. Did I really need to wake up at 4am to try and cram in the crude protein requirements of an early lactating cow? Did I really think that somehow knowing that lucerne hay and kikuyu grass would not be as good as oaten hay for your transitional cows would make me a better vet? Do I think I'll be struck by lightning if somehow I didn't know that feedlot cattle are supposed to have a 1% mortality rate and no more? Do I really, truly believe that the faecal scoring system will make my world a better place? Do I CARE that you gave your fucking cows lucerne cubes when you should have just stuck to your pasture hay? Did I somehow give the impression that I wanted to learn about wheat and statistics instead of disease and surgery? Do I look like a fucking farmer? Did I maybe give you the impression I desperately wanted to be an agronomist? Huh? Huh?? Huh????

If your fucking cows break your legs, I will fix them or get you to shoot them. If they cannot breathe, I will fix them or get you to shoot them. If they cannot stand, I will find out what's wrong and I will fucking fix them or get you to shoot them. But I did NOT drop a freaking FORTUNE to learn about your fucking CROPS. If I wanted to know all about fucking lupins or lucerne cubes or hammermilling or silage then I would have gone to some cow college and learned all about pastures and rainfall and fertilizers. I am going to be a DOCTOR, goddamnit it, and screw you all to hell for forcing me to memorize all this earth mother growing green things shit.

Oh, and you guys in the back? Lecturers? Yeah, THANK YOU for not putting up all the lecture slides, by the way. Nice touch. Not like I needed them or anything. I mean, I was only making all of my exam notes based on the slides, so when you completely failed to put up an entire chapter's worth of slides, I didn't realize that until I was actually SITTING IN THE EXAM. What? That was only one of the most important chapters in the subject? Noooooo, don’t worry, I’ll just coast by on my city girl knowledge of FUCKING OATS.

I do not want to fail this year over a ridiculous, fucked-up topic. I. Will. Not. Go. Out. Like. That.

So fuck you, Farmer Brad. I hope you wake up with paralysis ticks in your underwear.