And then there were two

When did all the men turn into women without me noticing?

When did men start texting you for absolutely no reason whatsoever several times a day when you are trying your damndest to muster up some interest for the sexless wasteland of clinical ophthalmology? When did they start looking like you ran over their puppy when you mention that you are flying home in 6 weeks? Why do they want to talk about your inability to reciprocate? Why do they feel the need to tell how attracted they are to you, or that they find you so beautiful that you make them nervous? Why do they ask you why you didn't reply to their SMS? Why do I feel like I just sprouted big hairy testicles?

Yes, I will turn pale if you start to talk about "us". No, I do not want to talk about how I feel or try and explain why I apparently fight what you think I feel. Yes, I really didn't like it when you started calling me "muffin" on our third date. No, it's not you, it's me. Yes, I will tell you over MSN that I no longer want to see you. Yes, I will lie about why (it involved a scalpel, believe me, you did not want to know. But just for the record, giving me a pet name involving baked goods did not help your case), and possibly not well. No, I do not want to call you so you can try and persuade me not to run away. Please don't write songs about me. Really.

I missed Captain Starlight. I never realized how much I liked the fact that it was simple. Gorgeous, funny, an insanely hot body, easy to get along with and perfectly content with what we had. The vague nature of our relationship used to confuse me. But I've realized it was a godsend. He asks for nothing I can't give, and it gives me something to chase without actually catching it. His presence is on offer for a strictly limited period before he has to go and save the world while looking insanely edible doing it, and I like him all the more for it.

Captain Starlight flew in 1 a.m. Sunday morning. I got a call from an unfamiliar number on Saturday evening but I was crashed out and didn't hear the phone go off. I spent some of Saturday night bitching to Miss J, and bemoaning the lack of Starlight. Just goes to show that sometimes, your prayers get answered. Starlight called me Sunday morning and asked me out for breakfast. Hell, yes.

After, I went off to Auntie N's party, got told he missed his flight, drove to the airport after being eaten alive by mosquitoes in Auntie N’s garden while dressed like a transcontinental hooker dolled up in a Chinese theme, and went for dinner with him.

He had less than 24 hours in the country before he flew out again.

Now that is the perfect man.