One of my favourite hobbies....

Dear me, Slinky's been a bad kitty cat.

I was walking back to my freezing office when I realized that it had been a while since I last picked on someone from Club Med Singapore. And I had a time limit for this shit too. I was therefore inspired to get the blood pumping through my veins and warm myself up the DIY way.

Fishing out the namecard which read Mumtaz Moiz, General Manager, I found the number which stated "DID", i.e. direct line.

Jackpot, baby.

I called the number on the card, spinning in my office chair and willing the woman to pick up. Pick up she did, just when I was about to hang up. It must be a sign. Slinky bared her fangs and dived right in.

"Hello, I'm calling about an insurance claim which I have with Club Med. I was staying with Club Med Cherating when my phone was stolen from my locked hotel room. (yes, I did hiss that word) I was informed by your employees that you would consider a reimbursement of the US$50 administrative penalty." The first knife thrust was made.

She parried. "I'm afraid that's not possible, you see, it's clearly stated on the insurance brochure that -."

Never allow people to finish an excuse, it puts you on the defensive of having to answer something you didn't even want to talk about when you're supposed to be on the attack. Cut them off and herd the damn sheep back to your strongest point.

"I was informed by your employees when I came to your offices that they would be able to write to AIA, your insurers, to ask for a dispensation of the US$50 administrative fee."

Pause as horrible memory surfaces. "Oh yes, you came to our offices before. About a month ago." The faceless voice on the other end of the phone took on a distinct tinge of deep apprehension and disapproval. "We actually wrote to them already, and they said no."

I dug in and dragged out some disapproval of my own. "When was this, and why was I not informed? I want copies of those letters."

The GM sounded alarmed and more than slightly suspicious. "Why do you need the letters for?"

To use as evidence in future lawsuits or press releases.

I snorted derisively. "For my own records, of course."

That was the first volley, but you get the picture. She made excuses, that it was in the policies, that they can't do anything about it, that they've already written to AIA, that they were too busy with other more important things right now, so she was sorry, but I would just have to stick it up my arse. (I paraphrase, of course)

I said they bloody well could do something about it, that I fully sympathized that she was in a difficult position, but really, this was not my concern right now, and that if they'd come back to me earlier, they wouldn't have to deal with me now. Further, their administrative pollicies were further not my concern, as I didn't see why I had to bear some ridiculous 'administrative fee’ which was the subject of agreement between them and AIA, and which had nothing to do with me, especially when it was the negligence of Club Med that I had suffered the loss in the first place. I told her that I had had hell with Club Med Cherating over the damn phone, and I was damned tired of being passed around like an unwanted Christmas fruitcake.

Pause. "Ma'am, how did Club Med give you a difficult time with your phone?"

When they call you Ma'am it's usually a good sign that you are being a real pain-in-the-ass and they are seriously considering taking a contract out on you. It's good when people get worked up, they don't think quite so clearly.

"Look, my phone got stolen from my LOCKED hotel room, which is SUPPOSED (spit out the word like a bad oyster) to be secure. Then, the documents which they were supposed to give me were not given to me until much later, and further more, while I was there, someone broke into our rooms while we were in the rooms, and it took security all of 20 minutes to come, and when we saw the manager, Greg Snyder, he didn't know anything about it, because the "security report" (spit again) made NO MENTION of it."

Yes, the intruder in our rooms had nothing to do with it, but if you catch them off-balance want to keep throwing more stuff at them. It makes them confused, which works to your advantage.

Pause again to collect thoughts. That information came waaaaaay out of left field. "I'm terribly sorry about it, have you written a letter?"

Deep, patient sigh. "Yes, of COURSE we've written a letter, but all we got is a reply that said that the 'necessary action' has been taken." I am quite pleased with how I made it sound like it was on the same level of acceptability as pedophilia.

In the end, I have left my name and telephone number with the GM, and extracted the promise that the letters will be faxed to me. After that comes Stage Two. Updates once I get the letters.

Seriously people, I cannot believe how much grief I am getting from Club bloody Med over a fee they can damn well afford. We pay them membership fees, and on top of that we pay them the cost of actually staying at their resorts, for sums which could cancel Third World debt once and for all. (All of which could have been forgiven if there were beautiful men raining down from the sky. Which there weren't, dang it. Although I do get perved on by a lifeguard who thought he was da bomb.)

I leave my two-month-old handphone in my room. Which is locked because, as they tell us, monkeys can get in and take your things, eat them, or turn them into installation art for their little treetop monkey homes. But somehow, it gets stolen. Does that make sense to you? Locked room, stolen handphone. Who's fault is that, do you think? And they want me to bear the cost of some ridiculous administrative fee for their insurer?

Slinky don't take this shit lying down.

But this has not all gone to waste. The word of Slinky has been spread. The Original Pimp Daddy graciously informed me the other day that he too, had been screwed over by the Establishment and before he just took it in the teeth, he asked himself, "Now, what would Slinky do?". So he went back, and laid the smackdown on them, and got himself a new shirt. Now, that's what Slinky likes to hear.
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In some very welcome news, we have gotten word from the owner of the Mashibaru that him and his family are well, the crew of the Mashibaru and the boats are all safe and well. Apparently, Kurendhoo sits higher in the water than other islands, so the wave reached pretty far up the shore, but everyone was okay. Thank Allah, as Mohamed said. The Mashibaru will sail another day, and I can return to my blue water and clear skies. Thank you, God, for keeping them all safe.

The Slinky Cat says go forth and spread the word of Slinky.