More adventures in bureaucracy

To the people at the Australian High Commission:

In order to facilitate the smoother processing of applicants for an Australian student visa, I would humbly suggest that if you require the chest x-ray to be done before the medical examination, then kindly state on the medical forms that there is an order to the process instead of only letting me know when I've already painstaking made my way to the doctors at one end of town, and thereby forcing me to headless chicken my way to the other end of town. May I suggest a brief course in how to prepare clear instructions on standard forms, and my recommendation that actually stating what is required may prove most helpful for future applicants, thus avoiding unexpected Molotov cocktails being thrown through your windows.

Also, it would be deeply appreciated if you increased the available panel of doctors for applicants who are applying via the eVisa system (the operative here being choice, so that you do not insult my intelligence when you ask me choose from a grand total of one doctor for the medical exam and the chest x-ray each). Alternatively, may I suggest that you increase the available panel of doctors to include doctors which do not require one to squander three hours of one's life which one will never get back to wait in a waiting room so Arctic that one expects to see tundras and penguins to appear behind the six-month old issue of Newsweek.

As a final suggestion I would suggest that after the said three hours of waiting in subzero temperatures, the ten-minute medical exam does not consist of a cursory check of eyesight, blood pressure and a hearing check which consists of the doctor whispering numbers from behind my medical forms while rapidly (and alarmingly) pressing on the tragus of my outer ear and asking me to repeat them like something out of a bad British spy comedy.

I would also add that after a three hour waiting period one's mood is not improved by the fact that there is a totally unexpected breast exam. Having intimate parts of my anatomy squeezed by a man who Ive just met and bear absolutely no sexual attraction for and having them pronounced as 'fine' (they are spectacular, thankyouverymuch, and not just bloody fine) then subsequently being completely unable to do up my bra because my fingers have been replaced by frozen gherkins will lose you an otherwise competent doctor on your laughably-named 'panel' of doctors.

I do hope you find these above suggestions helpful in your policy decisions concerning future visa applications.

Yours truly,

Slinky