Oh look, scattershot updates

I don't much feel like writing, but this here's a little placeholder in point form for when I do, and a reminder of what I've been doing so far. Also for the cuz, who's probably wondering if I've died after the frantic paranoid email I sent her.

1. Australian people, learn how Chinese names work, okay? Millions of Chinese use your fucking airport every year. It's not fucking hard. Surname FIRST, followed by the hanyu pinyin names. No, there is no first name like Caucasian names, unless said Chinese person has a Christian name. Chinese people are identity rebels. Live with it. Fucking white people.

2. You're lucky you guys had Red Rooster, or I would have killed some people by inducing terrible paper cuts with my passport and left them to bleed to death on the luggage conveyor belts.

3. Taxing down the runway waiting to disembark was probably one of the forms of torture devised by Inquisition. Longest ten minutes of my life.

4. Operation Missionary Impossible (aka my mission to get laid as often as possible) is running into severe native resistance in the inhibiting forms of ghosts (yes, ghosts), potential voyeurism, Inniskillin, shisha and flying higher than a kite due to the last two. Bah. ("I only have one month left you know!" - actual desperate words said by Slinky.)

5. I'm almost certainly going to give up smoking sometime soon, despite the Other Cat's very vocal dismay and her avowal to prevent me from become a pagan nonbeliever. Unfortunately I'm contemplating replacing it with shisha.

6. Simplifying everything. Nothing like leaving everything behind to figure out what's really important.

7. If Hercules had been set to find the perfect jeans for Hera instead of cleaning King Augeus' stables, Eurystheus would have retained his kingdom. Why is it so bloody hard to find a pair of bootcut, low-slung, dark wash non-stretch jeans? I despise skinny jeans. I spit on them. Skinny jeans look like your boots ate them. Ptui ptui.

8. I'd forgotten how men in Singapore leer at you. Being near invisible overseas is not a bad thing at all. I went to the pool in my white bikini and felt naked when 30 pairs of male eyes mentally erased it from my body. Goddamn Speedo-wearing freaks. And why is it that they all feel like tanning's going to help instead of swim? Being darker doesn't save you from being ugly.

9. Note to self: don't trust The Boy when getting dimensions. 'It's the breadth of a competition pool' really isn't. In reality I did about 42 laps in 30 minutes.

10. Australia vs. Italy - I'm sick as hell of everyone saying how cheated the Australians were, the poor bastards. Look, if they had really been good, they would have bloody scored. But they didn't so it happened and I won't be bloody shedding tears for a team that fucking calls itself "The Socceroos". And thank fucking god this will finally shut LovesHerDog up about them. You want to mourn the loss of a good team, go weep over Ghana.

11. Neutrogena Anti-Residue Shampoo. Mmmmmmmmmmm. I am a fluffy puppy. Fluffypuppyfluffypuppyfluffypuppy. No, I'm not drunk. But I could be soon.