A temporary rant

Yeah, I’m fucking hurt and fucking pissed off enough to take time off between doing my essays at one in the morning to snarl at the world in general just to express the fact that I am deeply upset, whoever gives a fucking damn. Never mind that I’ve tried like I’ve never had to or never wanted to try before. And never mind that I put, literally, body and soul into this, because hell, it doesn’t matter, does it? Noooooooooo heaven forbid. Only your goddamn fucking illogical biases and prejudices really matter here, and so everything I feel or what I represent is entirely unimportant. Don’t fucking think it doesn’t matter to me because it does, how can it not? It matters to me because I have enough traditional Asian values to value your fucking opinion, and to wonder what it is exactly about me that brings out the worst in you. And worse, it makes me wonder how much of what you feel invariably taints what I have, and even though I didn’t want to think it because I know it’s fucking stupid and I’m just setting myself up for a fucking fall when I think it, but I think it anyway because I’m fucking stupid like that, and what I wonder is this means that what I have is by definition finite, because you’d rather slit your wrist than allow here to be no sell-by date.

Fuck this for making me break out my last pack of Djarum, fuck this for making me cry for the first time in I don’t know how long, and for making me feel like crap about myself when I know it’s utter garbage. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

Edit: Standing in freezing 5 degree weather with only the pathetic warmth a Djarum can confer is an excellent short-term way to kick the angst right out of yourself.