Killing Smokey

Smokey was sick for two weeks. Did Smokey go to the doctor? Noooooooooo. Witness:

Monday

Smokey: "I feel terrible" *whine whine whine*
Slinky: "So go to a doctor."
Smokey: "I hate doctors. They always scold me."
Slinky: "Why?"
Smokey: "They'll ask me how long it's been, and I tell them, two weeks. Then they scold me and tell me I should come in earlier, and that I should smoke less and drink less."
Slinky: "You're an idiot."

Tuesday

Smokey: "Wow, I really feel quite bad. My head is spinning."
Slinky: "So fucking go to a doctor!"
Smokey: "I hate going to doctors."
Slinky: "Don't be such a pussy!"
Smokey *gives Slinky a mock - deeply aggrieved look*: "Why do you have to be so rude?"
Slinky: "Because you're being a selfish fucker by bringing your contagious germ-laden self into the office when I've just recovered and my immune system is still shot to hell and you're putting us all at risk of being sick simply because you're too wuss to see a doctor. It's bloody inconsiderate."
Smokey: "I hate doctors."
Slinky: "Fucking go and see a doctor or I'm calling your girlfriend and telling her!"
Smokey: "You wouldn't!"
Slinky: "I would!"

[Silence]

Smokey: "Fine, I'll go and see a doctor."
Slinky: "WHEN?"
Smokey: "Soon."
Slinky: "Fucking go and see a doctor today, or I'm calling your girlfriend right now!"
Smokey: "Okay, okay, I'll show you the MC, all right?"
Slinky: "Fine."
Smokey: "Fine." Pause. "Female dog."
Slinky: "Pussy."

Wednesday

Smokey: "I'm still feeling sick."
Slinky: "You didn't see a doctor, did you?"
Smokey: "No."
Slinky: "You bastard, I already told you to go and see one, you're bloody sick, you look horrible, and I just got better, asshole! I'm calling your girlfriend!"
Smokey: "I'm going for a smoke break. Then I'll go."

[Two hours later]

Smokey: "I'm going to see a doctor. I just threw up my lunch."
Slinky: "About goddamn time. I'm going with you."
Smokey: "What? Why?"
Slinky: "To make sure you'e actually going."
Smokey: "My girlfriend's waiting downstairs for me!"
Slinky: "Let me talk to her."

Smokey eventually goes to the doctor and is given an MC for two days.

The following day, Slinky comes down with exactly the same symptoms as Smokey. I'm now at home, sick. AGAIN. Doesn't help that I haven't had enough rest for the last couple of days.

I've heard that our roommate (we'll call him A), is also sick. I am going to suggest to A that when we get back to the office, he can hold Smokey down while I kick the shit out of him.