Another day, another slay

I know, I know, I'm supposed to blog about 'what we have learned about being A Man!" But I seriously don't have time to blog. My cases are going nuclear and poeple are on the rampage. People with throbbing foreheads, specifically. And I don't want to be rampage-able. So you'll have to bear with me.

I couldn't resist this though. For all you unelightened people who STILL think that Buffy is a 'fluffy chick' show, you're missing you. Go read the transcripts some time. Insanely addictive.

You Know You're Addicted to Buffy When...

You look at pieces of wood, deciding if they would make a good stake You decide that you will only see your boyfriend at night and in the graveyard "A happy slayer is a good slayer" becomes your motto You have the whole collection of Buffy T-shirts But you won't wear them - you want to keep them in mint condition. You've taken up karate and practise your Buffy moves regularly You refuse to go out after dark... just in case You have suddenly taken a liking to tweed You start calling your boyfriend Angel You prefer to watch Buffy alone because other people just "don't get it" You find yourself quoting the show several times a day You go shopping for clothes and only purchase things that have appeared on the show You always say the words "the wacky", "wiggins" and "a happy" All your user names on the internet are "Willow" You start hanging around libraries You love to hack into the coroners office You have either a cross necklace or a Claddagh ring You decide the graveyard is really cool hangout You look at abandoned warehouses in a whole new light You never invite anyone into your house after dark You find yourself in a situation and say "This is something Xander would do" You are secretly in love with your best friend Your licence plates read "Queen C" You think "Too much Buffy? Never!" You name your puppy Willow or Xander You recite Amy's rat-turning spell when in the company of your older brother You demand that people call you Buffy Every time you step out of the shower you say "I seem to be having an extreme case of nudity" You appoint yourself a watcher and choose someone to study/train etc. You stay away from your teacher just incase they turn out to be a giant praying mantis Your room looks like a shrine, you have Buffy posters as wallpaper, a Buffy bedspread, curtains etc. You won't take cookies or mini pizzas from your Mom's new boyfriend You find a whole new liking for miniature golfing You hear that song "I hope you dance" and think of fighting Faith You cried two hours after the fifth season finale of Buffy was over because she died even though you know she is coming back. You pondered becoming a vengance demon after your last breakup. You own enough Buffy comics and novels to have your bedroom be considered a fire hazard. You won't go out past sunset unless armed to the teeth with stakes, crosses, and holy water. You have crosses nailed over every window and door. You start tracking the local murder rates after a new girl moves into town. You read all the occult books in the school library searching for the Watcher diaries. To you, sexual protection isn't birth control, it's making sure you're partner is human. You practice sticking thumbtacks through houseflies and mosquitos--"Just to be safe." You perform the reverse invitation spell after every visit from some person you haven't recently seen in sunlight. You insist on traveling from class to class via the ceiling. You try to exorcise the possessing hyena spirit when your best friend gets PMS. You cast a gypsy soul curse on the sadistic principal who gave you a suspension. You whittle wooden stakes. You kick doors open. You carry around a stake, just in case. You take long walks in the cemetery at night. You have a strange fear of hospitals. You don't complain about going to church anymore because you remember that your supply of Holy Water is running kind of low. You wear crosses every day and have a vast selection of them. You never verbally invite anyone into your home. You keep all your important information on yellow disks. You avoid fraternity parties. As a rule you don't like to be surprised. Your friends are fearful that if they call during "Buffy Hour" they'll be in for a long lecture the next day. You bookmark the Coroner's Office Web Site as a favorite place. When you hear that there's a new librarian at your school, you slam open the doors of the library and yell; "Okay. What's the sitch?". You can recite a whole Buffy episode(s). You wallpaper your room with pictures of the Buffy cast and complain when there isn't enough space to put them all up. You ask a priest to bless your bottle of Perrier. Just for the hell of it, you enter Moloch into several search engines. You name your doll Miss Edith. You let your bird die of starvation. You paint your nails like Drusilla. When your brother comes back from the zoo, you won't let him in the house. The only way you know how to say the word bitch is 'bitca'. You get your hair cut like Buffy's and your hairdresser keeps remarking that the picture you show her (for your haircut) looks oddly familiar. Whenever you quote Buffy Verse, you laugh hysterically while your friends stare at you like you've grown another ear. You always protest that Buffy is NOT a ditz's name. When watching a new Buffy episode, people gawk at you when you manage to say the actor's lines right before they do. You can't think of a thing to talk about with people who have never watched a Buffy episode. You spend hours on the net looking for new Buffy pictures. You get really really excited whenever you do find any new pictures. You sit on a grave twirling a yo-yo and say: "Come on, rise and shine. Some of us have a ton of trig homework waiting at home." You look for padlocked sewer access systems in mausoleums. You decide to be Buffy for Halloween but your friends don't notice a change. You own everything possible with the words Buffy the Vampire Slayer on them. You get wigged out by mimes and dummies. You have a chest in your room with a fake bottom that contains garlic, stakes, holy water and crosses. You freak whenever you have a substitute biology teacher. You never go out with your boyfriend on the night of the full moon. You avoid supposedly empty warehouses. You have a fear of railroad spikes. You punish your dolls. You get a wheelchair just so that you can be called "Roller Boy". You never have sex with your boyfriend for fear of what might happen to him. You take up tae kwon do, kick boxing, karate, street fighting and gymnastics. You eye your librarian to see if they're trying to tell you that you're the next Slayer. You sleep with a stake under your pillow. You sneak out of your bedroom window at night and hang out at the park because you've heard that several people have died there lately of exsanguination. You're horrified of people who have never even heard of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. You want to kill people who diss the show. You dream of past lives as a Slayer. Whenever you have a dream and you see your friend in it you run up to them the next day and choke them as you shout: "What do you know?". You never sign in someone's yearbook "Have a nice summer!". You don't like to use the word Master. You write Buffy FanFic. You date men whom you meet in dark alleys (but only after kicking them in the head). You bring a fire extinguisher to cheerleading tryouts. You get nominated at school as "Person Most Likely To Be The Next Slayer". You buy knee-high boots. You get five holes pierced in each ear. You're on a first name basis with all the actors of BtVS except that you've never met them. Though they used to appreciate your interest, the actors on BtVs are now scared to death of you. You check people's lockers to make sure they don't have any books such as 'Gray's Anatomy' and 'Mortician Desk Reference'. You read a Buffy transcript at least once a day. You befriend a computer genius and her dorky friend. You file complaints that the substitute biology teacher is harassing you. When asked what your hobbies are you answer; "Slay...slay...slave to the television". As far as you are concerned, Buffy and co. are actual people. You drive to California to look for Sunnydale, you dial operator and ask him where it is, operator says there is no such place and you yell back at him that he's probably in league with some demons to keep you out of Sunnydale. You enroll at Torrance High School. All the actors on the show are shown a picture of you and are told to stay away at all costs. When asked what you'll do when you're older you answer either dead or it's already been 'sealed in fate'. You tape all Buffy episodes, then retape them so they're in chronological order. You buy all the CDs of songs that have ever been on Buffy. You've been to all 1000 or so Buffy sites on the net. You legally change your name to Buffy Anne Summers (or another character from the show). You practically had a nervous breakdown when the series ended. You cannot remember what you did with your life before Buffy. Your motto is 'Life is short' or 'Seize the day'. You never bring your date to the morgue. When buying your Halloween costume you make sure it's something you'd like to be in real life. You always beat up a snitch. You nail crucifixes to your wall. You needed to visit a grief counselor when Tara died. You make sure your parents never come to Parent-Teacher night at school. You watch, mock and laugh at talent shows. When given an egg for parenting in Sex Ed class you boil it or smash it with something heavy. You're frightened of cheerleader wannabes. You avoid saunas, who knows what they put in the steam? You don't let people with long fingernails get too close to your throat. You use a Thesulan Orb as a paperweight. Whenever there's a Sadie Hawkins dance at school you lock yourself in your room. You refuse to buy any candy being sold by the band at school. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Buffy.

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If anyone needs any help in some Buffy education, I'd be happy to help.