The Skankycat blogs on much to the dismay of many

In an attempt to claw her way out of the valley of death as well as return to the world of blogging after a short hiatus, I am proud to present:

TOP 10 MOST FUCKABLE MEN ACCORDING TO SLINKY
(in no particular order of preference)

1. Rodrigo Santoro: in every movie ever made, yes, even the one where he was a transsexual - because really, what's not to like? I am sure that the millions of women who watched Love Actually can identify when I say that when the phone rang and Laura Linney answered it , I had to clutch my grimy cinema seat to restrain myself from launching myself at her, screaming, "No, don't answer it! He's down to his BOXERS, damn you!!" We were all just one Fruit of the Loom away from sheer nekkid paradise. Damn you, Laura Linney.








2. Johnny, Johnny Jo-oh!-nny Depp: in almost every movie he’s ever made - because he is the Johnny. Who, if not for Vanessa Paradis and the fact that he does not know I exist, would be bending me over my desk and showing me the Depp right now, damn it.










3. Jason Lewis a.k.a Smith: Sex and the City - because I like Absolut and I like beautiful naked men. And I still haven’t seen anyone in Hollywood with quite the same ridiculously perfect bone structure. But he’s included in the list with a proviso - don’t talk. Just take of your clothes and do as instructed, Mr. Lewis.






4. Pierce Brosnan: The Thomas Crown Affair - because when I was young and impressionable and the trouble-making fascination with bad boys and bikes were already encoded into my genes, I watched Remington Steele. Damn the creeping imperialism of American T.V, for now I watch The Thomas Crown Affair and my loins burn for Pierce Brosnan. Stop me from licking the screen when he appears butt-naked in case I get electrocuted.






5. Chris Noth, but only as Mr. Big.- I know he has the worst eye-bags in Hollywood, you could stash your credit card in those babies. I know he’s tubby, and has a beaky nose, but hello? He is Big! He blows smoke rings in bed! He calls Carrie “baby”! He has this ridiculously sexy smirk, the one that says “I know something you don’t, and if you just come a little closer and drop to your knees, I can show you what it is”. He is, in the wise words of S, damn seh man. You had me at “Abso-fuckin’-lutely”.









6. Tony Leung as The Lover and in Hero. Like The Other Cat said, oh that ass.





7. Olivier Martinez - the best reason there is to be Unfaithful. Sex against the wall outside your apartment? Excuse me while my clothes hit the floor.








8. Jon Bon Jovi - because I had a rabid schoolgirl crush on him back when I was in secondary school and practically creamed my jeans when he sang “Blaze of Glory”, and I’ve never quite gotten over him since then. One of my two exceptions to the “No Blondes” rule.









9. Daniel Day Lewis : Last of the Mohicans - Who cares if I was stricken with fever and said, “hey, I don’t get it!” the first time I watched it with the Ex? The sight of him charging through the brush wearing buckskin pants with long hair managed to penetrate the fever induced-fog which surrounded my brain and imprinted that searing image into my cerebral cortex forever.







10. Kevin Bacon - I’m sure my friends are going to rag me endlessly on this one, but hey, I thought he was hot. I still think he's hot. It must a genetic encoding of bad taste, because my sister thinks he’s hot too. So there.






Okay, that took a VERY long time, mainly because I got distracted by the perfection that is Rodrigo Santoro. I was sitting in front of my screen staring at the monitor with my mouth hanging open for a good ten minutes and didn’t even realize it. I couldn’t even bring myself to close the browser window. Hummuna hummuna...

Damn it, I can't seem to resize the damn photos, despite best efforts. Never mind, it's late and you'll all just have to live with it.


TOP 10 MOST FUCKABLE WOMEN ACCORDING TO SLINKY

Let’s get this very clear, I DO NOT play for the home team. I like dick, and as a wise friend once said, accept no substitutes. That being said, there are some women that, should I ever decide that I've had enough of men, definitely get the Slinky stamp of approval for bedroom romps. On a separate note, it was worrying and a little sad, but it was a damn sight easier to find 10 women for the Top 10 list than it was to find 10 men.

1. Angelina Jolie - Definitely, without question. She is HOT. Although if Ms. Jolie should suddenly whip out a small straight-razor and a small vial in the midst of the dirty for the purpose of 'keeping a small token of affection' from the encounter, Slinky is outtathere. I'm kinky, but not THAT kinky.








2. Liv Tyler - she seems kind of boring, but that lush figure and that little girl voice coupled with the dash of Steven Tyler makes it a total winner. Plus, it's not like I'm looking to have meaningful conversation with her.





3. Monica Belluci - mindblowingly beautiful with a fabulous Venus figure. Who cared if she did fuck all in the Matrix Revolutions, she was there to light up the screen. Next to her, Trinity just looked like a man. And hey, Keanu, don't give me that bullshit about saying "Oh no, I love Trinity, I can't kiss you." You wanted to. Your wooden face was just too immobile to express it.








4. Kylie Minogue – Because she struts and slithers and is unbelievably sexy for a comeback queen. The perfect pout, a killer body, and the whole sex-kitten vibe. Excuse me while I drool.






5. Jessica Alba – Genetically perfect construct in Dark Angel with abs that Slinky would KILL for. Jeez, but she’s sexy.





6. Eliza Dushku – As a bona fide Buffy fan, I have to say that Sarah Michelle Gellar, although she totally kicks ass as Buffy, cannot hold a candle to Dushku as Faith, who looks like the girl that all boys’ mothers’ warn them about. Bad boys, bad girls, as long as they are bad, baby.










7. Kate Beckinsale – Black leather, bosom-enhancing corset, and did you see her killer stiletto boots?








8. Rose McGowan – She went out with Marilyn Manson, for crying out loud. She HAS to be nasty as all hell. And I like the hair.








9. Jamie King – Okay, I admit, Jamie King herself wouldn’t make the list, although she does have a certain something. But she has this great tattoo on the back of her neck which says, fittingly, “KING”. You gotta love a girl who does something like that.



10. Lucy Liu – Because she played the Dragon Lady stereotype with such glorious aplomb, and the I adored the scene in Charlie’s Angels where she’s an efficiency expert in skintight leather scaring the bejesus out of hapless engineers and analysts.



Ta-dah! Slinky's going to crawl off for a cold shower and hopefully erotic dreams featuring Rodrigo now. And yes, we are on a first-name basis. So there.